Spider

The Ice Road

THE DAY I QUIT SMOKING

So I decided to quit smoking. I always new that it was a good idea but it took me a long time to realize that it is important that i stop.So many of my friends and family were surprised at my attempt to quit saying and thinking i could never do it.

I started out by heading off to my doctor and talking to him. He was very happy that i had made this decision that he had been bugging me to make for so long.I had been smoking for fourteen years I was up to a pack and a half a day.My doctor got me set up with some medication to help me along and told me one thing to watch out for.He said that everyone I new would try to drag me down make me smoke.I explained that i had a very supportive group of family and friends,and that if they new I was serious they would support me in every way (HA was I ever wrong).

So thier I was on my way to pharmacy to get my perscription filled.I'am of Native ancestry so some or most of the meds I take or might have to take are covered.Of course the Pharmacy tech came back to say that it was not covered and I would have to pay for the script myself.This medication was to expensive for my taste.So of course I walked away. All I could think about was how the government is making it hard for anyone to smoke anymore you would think they would offer this free to anyone that needs it.So I went home saddened by this fact thinking I can't quit on my own feeling down and out.

Then it happened a few weeks later I was in the pharmacy(my fav store shoppers) and the pharmacy tech said we have your script here its ready to go.Having already forgotten my failed attempt at quiting smoking I said what script?Thier it was my none smoking medication the govt had approved it.I had some mixed feelings so i took my meds and left the store.I went right home and ripped open the box and of course that was it.The meds sat thier on my night table.It was'nt until my neice was over some months later and looked at me and said take it aunty do it you'll feel better and so will I.Well I could'nt turn that down I knew that I had to be serious,not just for my health but for hers I needed to show a good example for her she looked up to me.

So now I had thoughts of becoming this newly non smoker I started out by making a plan.As I made my plan and tryed to convince myself and others that i could do it.I new that if I was to do it I would have to go all out and really do this.So I prepared myself in all the ways that I new and then I met someone.

I had met the most wonderfull man.So wonderfull I did'nt beleive it and of course he was a smoker.I kept pinching myself and asking him when the real man was going to come out(you know the one that takes you down and out so you forget who you are).I did'nt know what to do I had already made this decision to quit but I also did not want to force him to quit with me or have him not be interested because i quit.Which I new how that went being a smoker.I had decided I made a decision and I could'nt go back no matter the man even a good one.

So I had this fresh new relationship with this most wonderfull man and I was about to tell him i was going to quit and to my surprise he wanted to quit with me after 20 years of smoking.I felt so releived I had'nt asked him to quit with me he just jumped in when i told him and did it with me.I thought this is great someone to be my non smoking buddy.I then found out that my sister and her partner were also quiting after many years,I thought I had started a trend.

Thier I was siting on the edge of my bed staring at the rules of my meds.They told me to take the pills for two weeks and still smoke and the end of the two weeks stop smoking and keep taking the pills.I thought great I still have two more weeks.So I smoked my lil heart out the best i could and ate those pills.

The final day came October 26 2008 today I quit.The first day was hard but I had support from my partner.The next days to come were the hardest my support dropped with family and friends just like my doc had said because of thier guilt of not doing something good for themselves they had started in on me.At least it felt that way.People blowing smoke in my face making fun of me saying i would never do it,it was aweful.The third day I cryed so hard I had one person my partner who understood where i was he was thier to.Family and friends accused me of being acting indifferent.All I could think about was not having a ciggarette and how rude thses people were of course i was different I was making a change in my life not to mention that my body was freaking out cause I wanted a smoke so bad.I had been fighting myself and now I had to fight everyone else to.I could'nt beleive I was doing something good for myself and the people around me like my dad who was having heart surgery.Of course no one cared but my partner.I had separated myself from all who did not supprt me just so i could get through this hard time.

All of a sudden everthing broke loose my world crumbled I fought with my mom my dad was real sick,my brothers and sisters sided wit my mom all but one.I almost came to the point of giving in thinking life would be easier if i just had a smoke.It was like the ciggarette God said you guna quit well lets see how much you wana smoke after this situation.So i decided I would'nt let anyone get me down.I could'nt let any of these things be the reason why I would break down and smoke.I had promised myself.I could'nt be that person who says I'm not smoking then have one tomorrow.I had'nt realized how addicted I was how much I needed it.I wondered is it the same for everyone?

Its almost been a year and a half since I had a ciggarette.I'm still in a fight with my mom my dad is doing much better and my patner is still the most wonderfull non smoking man ever.I 'm very proud to have accomplished this feat.There is no way I will ever smoke again I don'nt think I can go through those withdrawls again.

It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I feel better I look better I'am better. everyone shoud do it.Eventhough it is the hardest thing ever.I like to think of it as character building.

So until next juicy story when i still won't be smoking.I say build some character8D

Nishgurl8D

I ONLY THINK OF MYSELF

I only think of myself, all the time where ever i go whatever I do. I only think of myself. Why you ask? It's because that's all I see. When I get on the subway and someone has only thought of themselves and taken three seats when they only need one. Or when I try to leave the subway and people crash threw the door's not even waiting for people to exit. The top notch one of them all is when people stand on the stairs of a very public place talking laughing having a great time, and giving you a dirty look when you try to pass by and bump them. So this is why I ONLY THINK OF MYSELF ha ha can't even say it with a straight face. These could never be the reason's why I ONLY THINK OF MYSELF.
The one thing that it does tell us is that thier is a need to think of other's. Not just because gramma need's help across the street, or you should give the seat to the man with a cane. While these are all good reasons, it's more than that for me anyways.Somehow we are all missing the big picture.
For me I cannot be anywhere without thinking of how what I'm going will affect the world around me.How can I make thing's easier for myself and other's so that all can run smoothly.
I'm wondering why or if i'm the only one having these thoughts about things I do in my everyday life. Apparently i'am one of the lonley only's because everyone else is only thinking of themselves. So let's all take a moment every day and think of what we do and how it affects other people in the world.
I beleive that this is part of making the human race a better people.We all have to live together so lets think of eachother once in awhile and try and make someone's life easier.Maybe it will come back to you and somehow one day for no reason your life will be a little easier.
Until next time I will be ONLY THINKING OFMYSELF


NISHGURL8D

A WORLD OF NO TALKING

This morning and every morning as i step on the subway, bus or anywhere public I notice people do not talk. I'm a happy person who like's to greet people when I see them. So I start off my morning by saying GOOD MORNING or HELLO to people I see.

The reaction I get is sometimes funny or sad. Most people look away or they are so suprised that I even spoke to them. Almost like thier are upset with me, some are scared. Some can't here me because they have thier ipod or iphone or what ever technology has come up with to keep us closed in and alone from the rest of the people around us.

I stood asking for the time from a person who was listening to music and could not here me. I laughed at myself thinking how long it took me to notice he was'nt paying any attention to me at all.

Don't get me wrong I love my ipod and my phone. I also notice how we do not interact as a people anymore. I really scares me to think of the day when we cannot use these things to keep us occupied what will we do then? I can imagine a whole room of people staring at eachother, not knowing how or when to react because we forgot. I can imagine myself laughing aloud to break the silence.

As a people we have learned to be afraid of what and who are around us instead of exploring the world and people for what they are. I beleive war, 911 has made us so scared to comunicate for fear of what i don't know. What i do know is that I would like to say good morning to people and not have them be scared.

My hope is that anyone reading this will take time to say hello or it's a nice day or even smile at the world around us because one day we may need to count on these people to help us, love us, or keep us safe. We can't do any of those things if we are to scared or offended by a happy person saying good morning. We can live together or die alone.

I for sure will go on saying hello to everyone I meet and hope to make friends, and experience all the things I was born to. Until the next story I say Hello the world.

NISHGURL8D